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.'Actually, I'm just about to go to.' I began confidently, '.get thetrain.''You haven't been to see anything at all, have you?' she hooted.'Anyway, youowe me seventy-five pounds for the room.''What?' I stammered.'Yes!' she yelled.'It would have been fifty pounds, but it's 50 percent extraif there are two people in the room.' 'But.but, there weren't.'Oh, come on, Bridget, we all knew you had a man in there,' she roared.'Don'tworry about it.It isn't love, it's only Edinburgh.I'll make sure it gets backto Daniel and teaches him a lesson.'Monday 28 August9st 6.(full of beer and baked potatoes), alcohol units 6, cigarettes 20,calories 2846,Got back to message from Mum asking me what I thought about an electric mixerfor Christmas, and to remember Christmas Day was a Monday this year so was Icoming home on the Friday night or the Saturday?Considerably less annoyingly, there was a letter from Richard Finch, the editorof Good Afternoon! offering me a job, I think.This is all it said:OK, my darling.You're on.Tuesday 29 August9st2,, alcohol units 0 (v.g.), cigarettes 3 (g.), calories 1456 (pre-new-jobhealthy eating).10:30 a.m.Office.Just called Richard Finch's assistant Patchouli and it is ajob offer but must start in a week.I don't know anything about television butsod it, I'm stuck in a dead end here, and it is just too humiliating workingwith Daniel now.I had better go and tell him.11:15 a.m.I can't believe this.Daniel stared at me, ashen-faced.'You can'tdo this,' he said.'Have you any idea how difficult the last few weeks havebeen for me?' Then Perpetua burst in - she must have been eavesdropping outsidethe door.'Daniel,' she exploded.'You selfish, self-indulgent, manipulative, emotionalblackmailer.It was you - for God's sake - who chucked her.So you can justbloody well put up with it.'Suddenly think I might love Perpetua, though not in a lesbian way.SEPTEMBERUp The Fireman's PoleMonday 4 September9st, alcohol units 0, cigarettes 27, calories 15, minutes spent havingimaginary conversations with Daniel telling him what I think of him 145 (good,better).8 a.m.First day at new job.Must begin as mean to go on, with new calm,authoritative image.And no smoking.Smoking is a sign of weakness andundermines one's personal authority.8:30 a.m.Mum just rang, I assumed to wish me luck for the new job.'Guess what, darling?' she began.What?''Elaine has invited you to their ruby wedding!' she said, pausing breathlesslyand expectantly.My mind went blank.Elaine? Brian - and - Elaine? Cohn-and-Elaine?Elaine-named-to-Gordon-who-used-to-be-head-of-Tarmacadamin-Kettering-Elaine?'She thought it might be nice to have one or two young 'uns there to keep Markcompany.'Ah.Malcolm and Elaine.Begetters of the overperfect Mark Darcy.'Apparently he told Elaine he thought you were very attractive.''Durr! Don't lie,' I muttered.Pleased though.'Well, I'm sure that's what he meant, anyway, darling.''What did he say?' I hissed, suddenly suspicious.'He said you were very.''Mother.''Well, the word he actually used, darling, was 'bizarre.' But that's lovely,isn't it - 'bizarre'? Anyway, you can ask him all about it at the rubywedding.''I'm not going all the way to Huntingdon to celebrate the ruby wedding of twopeople I have spoken to once for eight seconds since I was three, just to throwmyself in the path of a rich divorce who describes me as bizarre.''Now, don't be silly, darling.''Anyway, I've got to go,' I said, foolishly since she then, as always, began togabble as if I were on death row and this was our last phone call before I wasgiven a lethal injection.'He was earning thousands of pounds an hour.Had a clock on his desk,tick-tock-tick-tock.Did I tell you I saw Mavis Enderby in the post office?''Mum.It's my first day at work today.I'm really nervous.I don't want to talkabout Mavis Enderby.''Oh, my godfathers, darling!' What are you going to wear?''My short black skirt and a T-shirt.''Oh, now you're not going to go looking like a s1oppy tramp in dull colors.Putsomething smart and bright on.What about that lovely cerise two-piece you usedto wear? Oh, by the way, did I tell you Una's gone down the Nile?'Grrrr.Felt so bad when she put the phone down that smoked five Silk Cut inrow.Non-vg start to day.9 p.m.In bed, completely exhausted.I had forgotten how hideous it is startinga new job when nobody knows you, so your entire character becomes defined byevery chance remark or slightly peculiar thing you say; and you can't even somuch as go to put some makeup on without asking where the ladies' is.I was late through no fault of my own
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