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.‘Why’, they will wail as they splutter to a halt on the hard shoulder, ‘have I run out of petrol?’.And how do they know whether they’re doing 40 or 90mph?What concerns me most, though, is that these people are just as likely to be stopped in the street and counselled for their opinions as clever people like Stephen Fry or Jonathan Miller.That is why I am always deeply suspicious of market research.I mean, if it were so good at predicting things, we’d have a Welsh prime minister.Nevertheless, I’ve been completely absorbed this past week by the Lex Report on Motoring, a huge tome that’s been compiled by one of Britain’s foremost car retail and leasing operations.It says here that six out of ten people supported the road protesters’ cause, which is an extraordinary finding when you learn that 72 per cent of drivers say traffic congestion is a ‘major’ problem.So, what we have here is a majority of people wanting fewer jams, and a majority of people saying there should be no new roads.Hmm.How about this one? Sixty-one per cent of the British public – the people who brought the world jet engines, hovercrafts, communism, optical fibres, television and the telephone – say that cars are only a ‘little’ more environmentally friendly than they were 10 years ago.Nine per cent – the real dimwits – say that cars have become more damaging to the environment in the last decade.Unbelievable.Ford has just announced that a new Fiesta produces the same amount of toxic gases as 20 Fiestas did a few years ago which, in my book, means there’s been a twentyfold improvement.And who had heard of recycling centres in 1986? Car firms are making huge efforts to shape up, but obviously the message is not getting across.Ah, I see now why that should be so.The report says that only 19 per cent of people trust car advertisements, and that friends and acquaintances are considered to be a great deal more knowledgeable than newspaper journalists.I may as well give up now because Top Gear gets a special mention.Only 34 per cent of private buyers trust us.Right: now it’s personal.So now I shall switch my attention to the huge section on so-called road rage.This is the bit that’s been picked up by radio stations and television networks all over the country but, again, I find myself wondering…In 1995, 1.8 million people were forced to pull over or off the road, 800,000 were physically threatened, 500,000 had their cars deliberately rammed, 250,000 were attacked and another 250,000 had their cars damaged.Add the figures up and you’ll find that 3.6 million people were abused, threatened or hit on the roads last year… which isn’t enough.You see, I have a great deal of sympathy with people who become angry and frustrated while in their cars, because losing your temper is part of the human psyche, as natural as smiling or having sex.Wetties ask why we don’t lose our rag quite so readily while walking down the pavement, but that’s a stupid question.If someone inadvertently brushes past you in a shop doorway, it’s no big deal.If, however, by not paying attention, their car brushes against yours, you will be without wheels for a week or so, there will be a fight with the insurance company and you will almost certainly end up poorer as a result.And that’s if you are lucky.If you’re on foot, even the biggest Mickey Skinner-type impact won’t cause much damage, but on the road, it’s different.You could wind up dead or paralysed, and that’s certainly a good enough reason to get out of your car and smash the other guy’s teeth in.A few years ago, I was desperately late for a wedding and, while overtaking a Volvo, found another car coming the other way.I dived back to my side of the road and very nearly caused a huge shunt.At the next set of lights, a huge Irish person heaved himself out of the Volvo and spent a couple of minutes trying to throttle me.That was road rage.But it was my fault.I deserved it.I nearly killed the poor bloke and I consider myself rather fortunate to have escaped from the encounter with mild bruising.I deserved more.Frankly, if more people behaved as responsibly as that large Irishman the standard of driving would improve.You’d think twice about cutting someone up if there was even the remotest possibility that you’d end up impaled on your gear lever.When I see that there have been 3.6 million examples of road rage in the last year, I say to myself that there must have been 3.6 million examples of bad, inattentive or selfish driving.911 takes on Sega RallyIf you were to enlarge Birmingham a thousandfold, you would end up with Australia.Sydney is like a bigger version of Edgbaston.Perth is the National Exhibition Centre.Alice Springs is Handsworth and the rest is Canon Hill Park.I think it’s fair to say that you can judge a city by whether or not you feel the need to go to an amusement arcade.If it’s sunny and warm and the bars are full of lively and interesting people, you won’t give ‘Space Invaders’ a thought.But if it’s dull and the people are awful, then the idea of pouring hundreds of pounds into an arcade game becomes quite tempting.In Perth, we went to an amusement palace every night and I discovered the Sega Rally machine.With this computer game, you choose what sort of car you want and whether you need manual or automatic transmission, and then you’re among the make-believe mountains in an increasingly difficult game of pure skill.When the car slides, the wheel fights in your hand.When you crest a brow the seat moves, and all the time a computerized co-driver is warning you of unseen hazards ahead.Of course, the other cars are driven by silicon chips, but in our arcade four machines were linked so we could race each other.Now this was something else, because what we have here is racing without the fear.It is driving quickly and irresponsibly with no risk of death or injury.Even Steven Norris would be forced to admit it’s safe and environmentally friendly.Obviously, you can’t go shopping in a Sega, but people don’t go shopping in supercars either.Supercars are designed to be fun, to put a big grin on your face.And so is the Sega.When you come flying over the crest of a hill in a Porsche, only to find there’s a 90 degree right-hander ahead, you will probably wind up dead.At best, it’ll be written off, your insurance premiums will go nuclear and you’ll be off work for a week while they mend your nose.Do the same thing in a Sega and you will spin, your seat will rock about a bit and the cars you’ve just overtaken will get back in front.You will lose the race, of course, but it will only cost you a pound to have another go
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