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.And I wouldn’t trade her for anything.”“Oh, gag me,” I say, though I think I can accept this once I get used to it.“Well, I guess all I can do is be glad you can put in a good word for me.Tell me if you hear anything from her?”“Sure.And, Fiona?”“What?”“Please don’t do anything impulsive until I do hear back from her.I can tell you’re freaking out—you don’t think things through when you panic.”I let out an indignant squeak.“That’s not true!”“Do I need to remind you of how you just had to go to the factory to see if Graham was telling the truth despite Spud saying he was?”I pout, the guilt over that still strong.“Shut up.”“Whatever.Just promise me.”“Sure.I won’t do anything stupid.Bye.” I hang up before I can hear his answer, because I have a feeling he can pick up on my plans even over the phone.If I have to wait forever to hear from Spud, I have to do something in the meantime.It’s not like the Army or Juan’s men will pause their plans while Spud is busy.“What’s with the nasty glare?” Seth stands in the doorway, looking groggy and therefore adorable.“And what are you doing that’s not stupid?”Crap, how much did he hear? “Nothing.”His eyes narrow as he comes closer.“You’d be horrible at lying if people could see you.”“Whatever.” Someday I’ll learn to trick him, but today is not that day.So I smile as I walk over to him, and then I kiss him in a way I hope will make him drop it.He pulls me closer, and before I know it we’re fooling around on the couch.We haven’t gone all the way yet, though it’s times like this I think it would be easy.Then I open my eyes.Minus the places my dress still covers, Seth appears to be floating a few inches off the couch.He kisses me just above my bra.It feels amazing, but to my eyes it looks like he’s making out with air.And there’s something extremely odd about watching him enjoy skin I can’t see.“We better stop.” I push him back and do my best to hide my discomfort.He still seems to pick up on it, though we’ve never talked about why I always stop him right before things get too intense.“Yeah, you’re right.”Seth sits next to me, but there’s a distance I can’t explain.It makes me wonder if I’ve hurt his feelings, or if he thinks he hurt mine.I turn on the TV to drown out the silence.“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about what you said on the phone,” he says after we’ve both cooled off.I cringe.“You’ll just get mad at me.”“Psh.” He puts his arm around me, and all seems well again.“Of course I’ll get mad at you—that’s what we do, Fi.”I try not to smile, but it’s true.We still argue about plenty of things.It doesn’t seem to stop us from being crazy about each other.“How about we make a deal? If I’m going to get yelled at, I want something in return.”He rolls his eyes.“Fine, what do you want?”Since I’d rather not tell him, I pick the one thing he hates more than anything.“You have to draw me.”“Fionaaaa,” he whines.“Deal or not?” I’m pretty sure he won’t take it.Every time I convince him to draw it ends up with me complaining about how bad he is at it.Why couldn’t the one person who can see me be an artist instead of a math freak?“Why do you make me do this all the time?”“Because…” My body wilts, and I lean into him for support.I always thought being seen would be enough, but now I want more.I want to see.I want to know.I feel so close to having details about myself I never dreamed of having—and yet so far away because I will never see myself.“I need to see what you see, so I can imagine what we look like together.”The bump in Seth’s throat bobs, and he squeezes my shoulder.“Fine, it’s a deal.”“I’ll get paper!” Jumping up, I grab a notebook and pencils from my backpack and am back in seconds.I shove them into Seth’s lap and sit facing him.“I was talking with Miles about all the people showing up here to make Radiasure and then suspecting us of knowing too much.I think we should cover our tracks [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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