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.“Um, maybe.”* * * * *Dinner went off smoothly, and Declan was pleased Matt liked the food.Did this qualify as a date? If Matt had been a girl, Declan would have definitely said it fell in the date category, but since it was Matt, he wasn’t sure.Even before the near drowning thing, the two of them had met for a meal a few times off duty.Now that they’d been having sex, did that make it different?Out on the deck, the two of them sat drinking beer.“What are we doing?” Declan blurted out.“Having a beer and watching the sun set.”“I mean… you and me? Are we fuck buddies or friends with benefits or what? God… I sound like one of my exes.”“So long as you don’t sound like my ex.Declan, you’re my friend.You’re my partner.And if you want to define it that way, also my lover,” said Matt.“Does that mean I’m gay and have been denying it all my adult life?”“Why do you assume you’re gay? Because we had sex?”“Yeah, I guess.”“It might be true, but then again, it might only be a partial truth.When I was seriously involved with Craig, everyone who knew assumed I was gay.When I met Maria and later married her, everyone assumed I was straight.Neither is really true.Or maybe I should say both are true.A lot of people fall at one end or the other, but some of us fall somewhere in the middle.If you ask an average straight guy, he’d probably say I was gay and faking it about liking women.If you asked an average gay guy, he’d probably say I was either just playing around or gay without enough balls to commit to a choice.Both ends deny the middle.Oh, and the ones that acknowledge being bi exists thinks it translates to ‘will fuck anything with a willing hole.’ There have been days when I thought I ought to just give up and be celibate.”“If the people at work find out…” Declan wasn’t sure how much of a disaster that would be.“It’s San Diego, not Arkansas.If they find out, we deal,” replied Matt.“On my end, getting shit from work would be easier than dealing with Maria.She found out about Craig, but that was past tense.If she finds out I’m seeing a guy now… I think I may see a raging, screaming hissy fit in my future.”* * * * *The evening breeze off the ocean was fairly stiff, but the four-year-old didn’t seem to mind.Matt sat a few feet away from the heap of sand that Kenny was building bucket-shaped towers around.Declan had obliging fetched a few pails of water from the surf so the sand would stick together.“Can we go swimming next time?” Kenny asked.“Depends on the weather, hon.It’s awfully cold today.I think you would end up all cold and shivery,” said Matt.“He lives in California now.You ought to buy him a wetsuit,” Declan suggested.“Will has a wetsuit, and Mom says it was a fribless expense.”Matt smiled a little at the mispronunciation by his son.“Oh? And what does your mother think he ought to spend his money on?”“An airplane trip to take them to the place with the pointy tower.”“Seattle?”“I dunno.The loob is there too,” said Kenny.Declan looked like he was going to choke.“Do you mean the place with all the paintings?” Matt asked.“Uh huh and a pyramid.”“Aaah, you mean she wants to go to Paris.”“I think so, but she said if she goes I would have to stay with Grandma Lena for a while.”“Punkin, if your mom goes to Paris for a while, you can stay with me,” Matt replied.“That’d be cooler.Grandma Lena’s house has too much don’t-touch stuff.”* * * * *Another week of downtime did actually help with his respiratory problems, Declan finally acknowledged.He was only using the inhaler occasionally now and had even gotten in a few short jogs down the beach.While Matt had spent most of the week in court, Declan had only been called one day.If he had to put a description on the thing between him and Matt, he guessed he might have said they were feeling their way.Declan still found himself wondering if Matt was going to decide he was frustrated with Declan’s self-doubt.Some days it seemed little had changed between them.They still traded insults and good-natured threats.Matt was just as likely as ever to punch him in the shoulder or throw something at him.But there were moments when they were alone that nearly took Declan’s breath away in a whole new way.A hungry look from Matt in the hallway at the end of the day, a stolen kiss outside the door of Matt’s apartment while Kenny played inside, a hand on his waist when he was cooking, all were just as amazing as the sex.* * * * *“You can say no.You don’t have to do this.There are gay guys out there that don’t do this,” Matt said.He was stretched out in the bed with Declan’s delicious naked body snuggled in his arms.They had finally returned to the topic of Matt’s long ago comment about liking to top.“You let me do you, more than once even.I want to know what it feels like,” Declan said.“This is not actually meant to be some power game.If you want me to quit, say so.”“Got it.”Matt pulled him into a long kiss, letting his hands roam the hard muscled planes and curves of his lover’s body.The dusting of dark chest hair seemed to highlight the flat oval nipples and the definition of his pecs.Below, a fine line ran from his belly button to the stiff curls around his cock.It was a pretty cock, too, Matt thought, one of the few parts of Dec’s body that wasn’t tanned.That wasn’t terribly noticeable right now, though, since that cock was flushed dark, veins visible along the underside.“Bend your knees, it’ll make it a little easier for me to get you ready,” Matt said.He was generous with the lube
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