[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.Miss Carmichael proceeded to give a long-winded breathy talk on who would be running the white elephant stall, who had pledged cake and bun donations, followed by a seemingly interminable list of those ladies willing to assist Father Daley with the coconut shy.The bric-a-brac collection was going well.The sales of raffle tickets were a little slow but the running total on the sale of tickets in aid of black babies was looking encouraging.Father Daley glanced again at Donahue and tried unsuccessfully to stifle a grin.Donahue was almost asleep, his chin resting on his chest, his breathing heavy.The next to speak was Miss Thin Nose, who talked in a high-pitched squeak about a letter that had been sent by the Bishop about a wonderful opportunity that would be offered to some of the orphans: a brave new initiative to give them a new life in the colonies.Australia to be precise.It was hoped that all the older children of St Joseph’s would soon make the journey.Father Daley stifled a yawn.His mind began to wander.He remembered a geography textbook at school about Australia.It had pictures of hopping kangaroos with cute little babies in their pouches and wide-eyed koala bears clinging to tree trunks, chewing contentedly on eucalyptus leaves.There were pictures of boomerangs and wide-jawed men wearing dungarees and hats with dangling corks on string.There were hot orange suns and yellow sandy beaches.He was woken from his pleasant reverie by a loud and pointed cough.He looked up and was caught in the glare of Sister Veronica’s icy eyes.“As I was saying, Father, the annual pilgrimage to Lourdes takes place each year, but I expect Father Behenna explained all about it to you.”Father Daley nodded and panicked.Father Behenna, his predecessor, God bless him, had barely been able to string a sentence together.He had been sloshed for almost the whole of the time they had spent together.“I’ll refresh your memory, Father.Each year we plan a pilgrimage to Lourdes; the trip is open to any residents of Ballygurry who wish to go, although usually it is a small, select party.Miss Carmichael is, of course, a regular, as is Miss Drew.Mr Donahue is unable to go because of business commitments.”Donahue nodded and immediately conjured up a sorrowful expression that made Father Daley want to laugh out loud.He’d bet Donahue would rather drink rancid bull’s piss than go on a trip to Lourdes with a priest and a few poker-faced spinsters who had taken the pledge.“We always have the most wonderful time, Father, although the food isn’t always quite, well, what we’re used to.Miss Drew and I always take a few provisions with us.Some tins of corned beef, Spam and sardines.Just to keep body and soul together you understand.”Donahue snorted and all eyes were turned towards him.“I had an aunt once from Dublin.She went to Lourdes and was cured of her ingrowing toenails, but she ate some of the food over there and was taken bad.She’s never been right since.In fact, she’s dead now.Took the lining off her stomach.The food was disgusting.A pile of muck and the meat half raw, she said.Her guts were never the same again, God bless her soul.And she said there was no butter to go with the bread.Imagine dry bread! And the lavs, beg pardon, Sister, the toilets, well they were just holes in the ground.One pull of the flush and she was up to her knees in, well, you know.Jesus, them foreigners still live in the Dark Ages.”Miss Carmichael coughed and Miss Thin Nose sniffed and twitched next to her.Sister Veronica glared at Donahue.“Last year, Father, there were six on the trip including Father Behenna.Father Behenna will have already made and paid for all the bookings for this year and I’m sure Miss Carmichael and Miss Drew will run through with you anything that you need to know.”Father Daley’s heart sank.“And now, time is pressing on and we need to announce the lucky child who has been selected to accompany you to Lourdes.”Father Daley watched Sister Veronica with interest as she picked up an envelope from her desk, slit it open with a paper knife and took out a piece of paper.“Perhaps Father Behenna forgot to explain to you, Father Daley, but every year a child from the school is selected to make the trip.The child chosen is the one who has accumulated the most gold stars for progress at their school work and in sport.”As she looked down at the piece of paper her face grew rigid with irritation; her mouth set into a thin vexed line while in her neck a pulse beat rapidly.Sister Veronica cleared her throat with a sound like wet cement being shovelled.“This year Padraig O’Mally has been chosen.”Donahue started in surprise and stared at Sister Veronica as if she had uttered a string of filthy words.Nancy Carmichael sat bolt upright in her chair.Miss Thin Nose Drew gasped.“Padraig O’Mally!” they chorused.“Padraig O’Mally indeed,” said Sister Veronica, and her voice was like an easterly wind off an icy sea.Donahue snorted.“O’Mally,” he said.“Isn’t he the little bas – isn’t he the one who set fire to Siobhan Hanlon’s first Holy Communion dress with a magnifying glass?”Sister Veronica nodded curdy and visibly stiffened, the enormous muscles of her arms rippled powerfully beneath her habit.“Is he the same boy who interfered with the harvest supper drinks?” asked Miss Carmichael in a whisper.“The very same.But it seems that Padraig has come out undisputedly at the top of his class.Indeed Mr Leary was asking me only this afternoon if it would be possible for him to take the examination for the Abbey School.”“But, Sister, the Abbey School is not a Catholic school,” said Miss Carmichael in a scandalized voice.“Quite so, Miss Carmichael.It seems that our erudite schoolmaster, Mr Leary, feels that education is more important than the keeping of our faith.Of course permission has most definitely not been granted.I have already told Mr Leary so this very afternoon.”Father Daley cleared his throat.“Is he a very bright boy, this Padraig?”“The brightest boy ever to pass through the school here according to Mr Leary, but as we all know, Father, intelligence isn’t everything.Education may buy you a loaf of bread, but religion allows you to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”Father Daley lowered his eyes and said nothing.Suddenly Miss Drew leaped to her feet and began to screech like a madwoman.“What the hell!” Donahue was roused from his doze.“A mouse!” wailed Miss Carmichael.“It was sitting in Miss Drew’s lap as bold as brass!”“Kill it!” shrieked Miss Drew.Sister Veronica rose from her chair, picked up a fire iron, brandished it menacingly and began to stalk the room.“It’s only a little mouse, for heaven’s sake, what harm will it do?” asked Father Daley.The three women stared at him as though he were a halfwit He made his decision.He was going to get to the mouse before Sister Veronica did.While Sister Veronica jabbed about under the table with the poker he caught sight of the little creature.It was halfway up the curtains and clearly in a state of abject terror.Father Daley leaped to his feet, pushed past Sister Veronica, took hold of the curtain and flicked it.As he did so he offered up a prayer.The terrified mouse flew through the air and landed in the middle of the table.Miss Drew continued to screech like a banshee and Miss Carmichael slumped into her chair in a fit of the vapours
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]