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.“Yuck,” I said.“That’s nasty,” Cat agreed, flipping her cell phone open.“Let’s call Todd.This is fun.We need Todd.”“It’s late,” I said, too late.“Todd, it’s us! Me and Jordy.We’re looking at a meat hook and thinking of yoooou!” Then she hung up.Machine, I guessed.Finally, an empty cab was heading in our direction, but some girl in a parka was running for it.“Hey!” Cat called out.” Hey! That’s OUR cab! Get that cab—don’t let her steal it!” she yelled at me.But the woman in the parka got it.“I’m sorry,” I said, “but she was closer.”“Great,” Cat answered.“Now, you can’t remember how to win a battle for a taxi.”* * * * *It had been a week since I was released from the hospital, and I didn’t remember much more than I had in those first dim moments of consciousness.I was warned about an uncertain recovery path, but without the library of memories to keep me occupied, impatience seemed to be my main occupation.I wandered aimlessly around my apartment, talking to the bird on occasion.“This is my apartment,” I’d say, “but most of this doesn’t ring a bell.” And he’d look at me, then out the window, then across the room, just as clueless.Another thing my feathered friend and I apparently did share was a landlord hostile to our presence there.The place wasn’t totally alien to me, but I did have a jarring sense that this wasn’t the kind of apartment I’d have chosen, had I been in my right mind.Apparently, I’d been a little short of punctual with the rent.Repeatedly.The credit card people could vouch for that.And there were other issues.In a series of error-ridden notes and letters, I was reminded that the bird was a “vialation,” rent was “well due,” “past overdue,” then “aggrievusly due,” then “payed in full—thank you Mrs.Landua.” Don’t be fooled: It turned out I wasn’t legally married, just legally under the care of Mrs.Judith Landau.I could figure that out later, I figured.For now, I’d take the happy inding.I started going through all my things, hoping something would spark a memory.But nothing was jumping out at me.I stared at pictures of me and my friends, trying to re-create where we were when the pictures were taken, but everyone looked like a stranger to me.Including me.Todd had come over several times, and it was clear to me why we were as close as we supposedly were.He was a really good guy who always made me laugh.Cat had stopped by two more times to apply new tactics in trying to help me get my memory back, but all her tricks and schemes were amounting to nothing—unless making my head spin counted.It had been explained to me that I wasn’t terribly close to my family, so it surprised me when Samantha showed up at my apartment to see how I was feeling.She gave me a hug and really looked me in the eyes when she asked how I was doing.She seemed to care.“I’m okay, I guess,” I said.“Not really.I just don’t know what to do with myself.I feel lost.”“I owe you an apology,” she said.“For what?”“I was mean to you—before.When you had amnesia the first time.Do you remember anything from when you were staying with us at Mom’s?”“No,” I said.And I wondered if I was trouble for them and why they didn’t want me to stay there this time.“I didn’t believe you had amnesia.I thought you were faking it.”This was interesting, considering Todd said I was faking it.“Was there a reason you thought that?”“No, not really,” she said, picking things up and setting them down, “but I feel like I didn’t support you then and now you’re worse.”“Samantha, I’m sure that isn’t the case.”“You can call me Sam.It’s what you call me.”“Sam,” I said, and smiled at her, trying to let her know that none of it was her fault.The bird started making noise, and Sam looked over at the cage.She looked guilty.“Is that your bird?” I asked.“Yeah, it is.”“What’s his name?”“Sneevil,” she said, and half shrugged in embarrassment.“Sneevil Knievel.”“Huh,” I said, and got lost in thought, wondering why Dirk had said his name was Tweetie.“I’m sorry,” she said.“Oh, it’s okay.I like him.He keeps me company.”“No, not about dumping the bird on you—which—I’m sorry for that too.” She got up and looked out my window.Then she went on not looking at me.“I’ve always been jealous of you.You’re smarter than me and you have a good job.And even though Mom and I have more in common, she respects you in a way that she doesn’t me.Even my father, who you’re not related to, likes you better.”“I am sure that’s not true,” I said, walking over to her.“It’s not.”“I know,” she said, as she cocked her head and sniffed back her humility.“But sometimes it felt that way.” I felt like I’d just gotten a glimpse into the dynamic that was our sisterly relationship, and it wasn’t pretty.“Okay, then.”“Yeah,” she said.“I guess I’ll go.”“Okay,” I said, and then looked at the cage.“Do you want your bird back?”“Um.” she said and exhaled, blowing her bangs off her forehead.“No, you can hang on to him for a little while.”“Okay,” I said.“That’s fine.” I looked at Sneevil and wondered if she’d ever cared about him and how she even came to have him.“Do you own anything besides Pumas?” Samantha said, so I turned to see what she meant and saw Todd at my door.“Every time I think I missed out not having a little sister I’m reminded how blessed I truly was not to have any sisters.God forbid I ever end up with a satanic sibling like yourself,” he said to her.“See ya, guys,” Sam said and made her way past him.“Hi,” Todd said.“Is now an okay time?”“Yeah, sure,” I said.“For.?”“Oh.” he stammered.“Don’t tell me.I forgot something else.? What now?”“No, no,” he said.“I’m stopping by unsolicited.No worries.”“Oh, phew,” I said.“Then, it’s as good a time as any.”I wouldn’t recommend amnesia generally, but something about not remembering people made me see them with an intense clarity when they did poke their heads back into my life.Maybe it was because it felt like seeing them for the first time; maybe it was my mind playing catch-up in rebuilding impressions.Whatever the case, I drank in everything greedily—how they looked, spoke, and moved; what they did with their hands; how you could tell when they were listening and when they weren’t
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