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.According to her, it was one of her best nights all year.I somehow doubt it was any better than mine.After Terra decided to turn in after regaling us with the story of her evening, he yawned widely.Led him to the spare room, which I’ve decided to clean up and use as his room whenever he’s here.After he was tucked in, with pink spots on his cheeks from the warmth, I bent low and gave him another soft kiss.We broke off and shared a mutual smile.Okay, so the fourth kiss was magical, but I still preferred this one.The fifth kiss was love.October/end/118 Days, 1 November, SaturdayOkay, so now I just feel really guilty.Last night was amazing, wonderful, beautiful.But now…If I’m going to die on the 27th of February, I don’t want to lead him on, and make him care about me.It will only hurt him more when I do die…But what if she was wrong, and I’m not going to die? Then I would absolutely keep going with him.But if we’re discovered by someone like his father, or our classmates, we could be horribly persecuted against.This is so unfair.Why can’t we just be in love like other people?Oh, because we’re just not like other people.I’ve got a predetermined deathday, and he’s cursed with terrible unluckiness.Star cross’d lovers indeed.117 Days, 2 November, SundayBroke my lamp today.So now it’s really dark in my room in the one corner.It was sort of amusing how it broke I guess, like one of those drawings where there’s a whole chain reaction of things to open a birdcage or something.Tangled my foot in the blankets on my bed when I got up, fell down, and kicked my mattress while doing so, which knocked into the night stand and the lamp fell off.So both the lamp and I were lying on the floor on opposite sides of the bed when Terra came in to see what all the noise was.Upon figuring out exactly what had happened, she smiled and shook her head, and left without a word.She must be used to me by now.Haha.Tomorrow will be the first time I’ll see Noah since the park.He decided to return home after our ‘dance’ in the park, and seemed incredibly happy to me.I love seeing him smile.But I’m all happy and excited, with that nasty little thought in my mind warning me away from him.Don’t want him to love me if that means that I’m going to die and leave him alone.What do I do?116 Days, 3 November, MondayIt seems the same sort of thought occurred to him, as he seemed more troubled today than I had seen him in a while.When I sat down in front of him in Math, he seemed to perk up.“Hello, how are you today?” he asked, not sounding convincingly happy.“I’m ok… are you alright?”His reply took longer than usual, “I… am.”At that point, the teacher came in and threw his textbook on his desk.Groaned, and he glowered at me.We have a sort of unspoken mutual dislike for one another.He doesn’t like teaching me, and I don’t like learning from him.Although, today was just a work period, about the confusing crap we learned last week.Surprisingly, one of the girls from last week approached Noah to get help with the problems.Was actually really happy with that.Maybe if he can make a bunch of friends, it’ll be less painful when I die…Listening to him explain the question to the girl made the questions make sense; he could probably be a teacher if he wanted to.In English today, I ended up falling asleep.This has never happened before.Had a really odd dream too.It was wintertime, there was snow everywhere, and I was walking past the school.Saw someone in the distance, and then they fell.Snow fell harder as I ran to them.By the time I reached them, they were completely covered, so I worked to dig them out.Saw black hair, and immediately, my heart skipped, knowing exactly who it was.He frequents my dreams enough.Somehow, there was a role-reversal, and I was trying to claw my way out of a snowdrift.Noah was tugging on me, could see his terrified eyes past the blowing snow.Was having some trouble breathing, so I struggled less actively, falling back into the snow.He called out to me then, so I answered.Everything went red.Woke to Noah tugging on the sleeve of my shirt from behind me, and the rest of the class talking amongst themselves.Turned around, with the dream still fogging up my mind.“Mmgh, what?”“It is not wise to sleep during class.You might miss something important, or get in trouble.” He looked at my face, “Also, you may wake up with saliva running down your chin.”Hastily, I wiped my chin, and shook my head to clear the snow from my thoughts.He didn’t make another comment about my sleeping in class, and we commenced our study questions.For the rest of the evening, I still felt like my mind was cloaked in frost
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