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.He saw lights burning in most of the tents but he wasn’t in the mood for company.That in itself wasn’t surprising.He’d always been a loner, a self-sufficient outsider, who’d learned as a child to get along without company.But there was a difference between being alone and being lonely.Tonight, as he looked out into the desert night, he could feel the almost forgotten loneliness of his childhood creeping back, sneaking beneath his defences.He was remembering again the long lonesome months after his mother’s breakdown, when she wouldn’t—couldn’t speak to him.He flinched at the memory, working hard to dismiss the pain of her bewildering rejection.He’d adored his mother but he’d learned even then, at the age of nine, that he could drown beneath the weight of such love.More than one girlfriend had accused him of emotional bankruptcy, and he knew he’d deserved the accusation, but he’d learned the hard way to keep his heart safely under lock and key.This was precisely why he’d told Mattie that he couldn’t offer any promises for the future.So it didn’t make any kind of sense that his old anxieties were staging a comeback now, simply because he hadn’t heard from her in over a month.He’d sent her three more e-mails and she hadn’t replied.He couldn’t believe how much he needed to hear from her, needed to know she was OK.Will Carruthers could shed no light on her silence and in the end Jake knew there was only one thing to do.He had to ring the Sydney flat, had to hear her voice, to know at least that she wasn’t ill.As he dialled through the international codes, then added the flat’s telephone number, he was ridiculously nervous—so damn nervous he was sweating.His hands were clammy and he felt sick, like a teenager trying to pluck up the courage to ask a girl on a first date.When Mattie answered the phone his throat was dry and his voice as rough as gravel.‘Hello, Mattie.’‘Is that Jake?’‘Yes.How are you?’‘Are you still in Mongolia?’She sounded shocked and scared.Why did she sound so unhappy?‘Yes, I’m still here.’ What could he say now? The light banter of e-mails became downright stupid when said out loud.‘I haven’t heard from you for a while, so I thought I’d check in.How are you? Everything OK?’‘Yes, fine.’ Her voice sounded anything but fine.‘I…I’ve been really busy.’Jake gritted his teeth.How the hell had he thought this call was a good idea?What now? On the basis of one night of passion, he could hardly demand an explanation for Mattie’s silence.‘How are you?’ he asked again and he sounded way too tense.‘Are you well?’‘I’m really well, Jake.’‘You sound a bit…’ He paused, searching for the right word.‘I’m a bit tired, that’s all.I…I’ve taken on some extra work and it…it’s keeping me really busy.’‘So are you enjoying this work? Is it creative?’He thought he heard a definite sigh.‘Yes, Jake, it’s highly creative.’This time, there was no mistaking her tone.It was most definitely let’s-drop-this-subject.Jake wished he could see her.If he could look into her eyes, he might be able to see what she wasn’t telling him.He would know whether she was happy.‘I’ve been in touch with Roy,’ she said.‘I…I haven’t had time to visit him lately, but I ring him every week.He’s keeping well.’‘That’s good to hear.Thanks for keeping an eye on him.’‘How’s Will?’ she asked carefully.‘Oh, he’s fighting fit.Actually, he’s on leave at the moment in California.He should be having a great time.’‘Sounds like fun.Are you going somewhere like that for your next leave?’Jake’s stomach hit the floor.This was a brush-off with no holds barred.Mattie was letting him know that she clearly didn’t expect to see him.OK, so maybe he had dropped a strong warning when he’d farewelled her at the airport, but he felt differently now.He’d missed her.Maybe he’d even changed.He certainly wasn’t going to give in easily.Swallowing his pride, he said, ‘I was wondering what would happen if I turned up on your doorstep.’This was met by silence.Jake held his breath, couldn’t believe how bad he felt.‘I…I…’ Mattie was obviously flustered.‘Are you planning to come back here?’Somehow, he forced himself to ask, ‘Will you still be there in a month or two?’Another awkward silence chilled him to the bone.And then, ‘Jake, I’m afraid I’m going to be really busy for the next few months.’Really busy…He bit back a swear word.Felt sick.This was the ultimate rebuff.‘You mean you’d rather not see me?’‘It’ll be difficult.’ It was barely more than a whisper and yet he heard the break in her voice.Why? What was going on? He remembered Mattie’s tears when they’d said goodbye.He’d been egotistical enough to think they’d meant she was going to miss him, but was there another reason? Something she wasn’t telling him?One thing was certain.This phone call wasn’t giving him any answers and there was no point in prolonging the torture.‘OK.Thanks for setting me straight on that,’ he said, battling disbelief that he could actually let her go like this…without a fight.‘Goodbye, Jake.’He heard a click on the end of the line and, just like that, Mattie Carey was out of his life.But Jake was left with a niggling doubt, a gut awareness that she hadn’t really wanted to let him go.Or was that simply his ego getting in the way of common sense?In a harbourside café, Gina sipped a coffee latte with a dreamy smile.She sighed happily as she set it down.‘How lucky are we to have a boy and a girl? It’s so perfect.I can’t believe it.I keep wanting to cry with happiness.’Mattie grinned and slipped her arm around her friend’s shoulders.Having her friends with her for the ultrasound this morning had made such a difference.Seeing the joy on their faces and treasuring the warmth of their hugs had made everything about this project totally worthwhile.She could forget about the headaches, the heartburn and the tiredness
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